Jokes

[Wasp]

I assure you whole heartedly that wishing the death of one community is nowhere in my makeup whatsoever. It was a joke and those with a similar sense of humour to mine, call it the N.Irish sense of humour is one that takes the piss out of all sides including your own side. Many jokes that I have told are slagging my own side be it the udr/ruc/Unionists etc etc. BTW you said about the objectives of this site, remember this is the JOKE section.

It was nothing more than a joke and there are plenty of similar jokes to which bothsides tell and no offence is taken, afterall they are only jokes. Different story if it is a joke with a jag or a weighted insult.

I thought this particular joke was hilarious in the same way I think the following jokes are hilarious.

Paddy's first day in the ira he is sent to blow up a UDR patrol. He is sitting with McGuinness who told him to get his finger on the button because the patrol passes the gate every evening at 10pm.

10.30 no sign of the patrol, 11pm still no sign and McGuiness says what the fuck is keeping them.

To which Paddy replied, "I hope nothings happened to them"

Or

After being stopped by the police for speeding Paddy tried to get off the hook by telling the police that he applied to join one time himself.

When asked was it because he was thick that he was turned down, Paddy replied;

"No it was because my mum and dad were married when I was born"

[leeside]

I think you've completely missed my point. You're right, though, this is the joke section and I probably got a little too serious but it was still a shit tasteless joke in my opinion. Nothing to do with the 'N.Irish' sense of humour, just a shit joke.

[Wasp]

It was a Catholic who sent me it not that his religion makes any difference, just in case you think it was some kind of loyalist joke.

[Blue Angel]

again we seem to be imagining that catholic means nationalist and protestant means loyalist - it's a crap joke wasp - it's predictable and has no reason to it. Why is the bus driver reversing over people for example -just so a shite punchline can be set up. I could make up jokes as good as that myself using various business's slogans.

[Wasp]

The same reason jim davidson told the joke about chalky thumbing a lift, all cars ran over him and then the polce car reversed over him again and agaim. Actually the catholic who sent me it is a 32 county man so I would say hes a nationalist. Dont give a fuck whether peopl liked it or not, i thought it was funny so I posted it, end of.

Are we going to have a rule of no protestant or catholic, no republican or loaylst jokes etc???

[Bilk]

Paddy is in the job center in London, he notices a job ad for:

A gynecologists assistant 55000 pounds per annum
No previous experience needed as all training will be given on the job

Paddy approaches the counter and asks if he could have an application form for the job. The clerk goes to get the said form and returns looking bemused. Handing Paddy the form she says "Can you go to Manchester?". "Why?" says Paddy, "Is that where the job is?". "No" says yer woman, "That's where the end of the Que is"

[Wasp]

;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

cracker bilk

[Wasp]

Twelve Italian priests were about to be ordained.
> The final test was for them to line up in a straight row, totally
> nude, in a garden while a sexy, beautiful, big breasted, nude model
> danced before them.
> Each priest had a small bell attached to his willie, and they were
> told that anyone whose bell rang when she danced in front of them
> would not be ordained because he had not reached a state of spiritual
> purity. The beautiful model danced before the first candidate, with no

> reaction. She proceeded down the line with the same response from all
> the priests until she got to the final priest, Carlos.
> Poor Carlos. As she danced, his bell began to ring so loudly that it
> flew off, clattering across the ground and laid to rest in nearby fol
> iage.
> Embarrassed, Carlos quickly scrambled to where the bell came to rest.
> He bent over to pick it up.......



>
> .....then all the other bells started to ring

[sandyrowglenman]

An Irishman goes to confession in St. Patrick's Catholic Church. 'Father, it has been one month since my last confession. I had relations with Nookie Green twice last month.'

The priest tells the sinner, 'You are forgiven. Go out and say three Hail Mary's.'

Soon after, another Irishman enters the confessional. 'Father, it has been two months since my last confession. I've had relations with Nookie Green twice a week for the last two months.'

This time the priest questions, 'Who is Nookie Green?'

'A new woman in the neighborhood,' the sinner replies.

'Very well,' sighs the priest. 'Go and say ten Hail Mary's.'

At Mass the next morning, as the priest prepares to deliver his sermon, a tall, voluptuous, drop dead gorgeous redhead woman enters the sanctuary. The eyes of every man in the church fall upon her as she slowly sashays up the aisle and sits down right in front of the priest. Her dress is green and very short , with matching shiny emerald green shoes. The priest and altar boy gasp, as the woman in the matching green shoes and dress sits with her legs slightly spread apart.

The priest turns to the altar boy and whispers, 'Is that Nookie Green?'

The bug-eyed altar boy can't believe his ears but replies, 'No, I think it's just the reflection off her shoes.............................'

[leeside]

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband is not in
bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him.

He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall.

She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his
coffee.

"What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room,
"Why are you down here at this time of night?

The husband looks up from his coffee, "It's the 20th Anniversary of
the day we met".

She can't believe he has remembered and starts to tear up.

The husband continues, "Do you remember 20 years ago when we started dating?
I was 18 and you were only 16," he says solemnly.

Once again, the wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is
so caring and sensitive.

"Yes, I do" she replies.

The husband pauses. The words were not coming easily. "Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?"

"Yes, I remember" said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside
him.

The husband continued. "Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, "Either you marry my daughter or I will send you to prison for 20 years?"

"I remember that, too" she replied softly.

He wiped another tear from his cheek and said "I would have gotten out today."

[earl]

A man visits his doctor for a health check.

"I'm afraid that I am going to have to ask you to stop masturbating', says the doctor.

"Oh no, why is that?' asks the worried patient.



"Well, I am trying to examine you" replies the Dr, "And it is really putting me off".