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Post by bearhunter on Oct 1, 2007 19:54:26 GMT
Priest walking along a seaside clifftop when he meets a wee girl crying.
"What's wrong my child?" he asks.
"Waaah! My mammy and daddy were in the car and they must have left the handbrake off cos it went over the cliff and they were in it and it blew up when it hit the bottom and they're all dead and I'm an only child and I'm ALL ALONE!!!!" bawled the wee child.
The priest looks over his shoulder, starts unbuttoning his cassock and says:
"It's just not your day, is it?"
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Post by Jim on Oct 1, 2007 23:30:35 GMT
Ha ha ha ha those are class. I'm stealing them.
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Post by Harry on Oct 2, 2007 13:50:13 GMT
Man in pub telling his mates about how he got lucky last night. " I was walking along the railway line and found a woman tied up, i untied her and we had great sex", a friend asks did you get a blow job to which he replies " no i never found the head"
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Post by Jim on Oct 2, 2007 16:30:52 GMT
there's this hooker and shes losing business after being on the game for a few too many years, her fanny is like a wizards sleeve. so she had this idea about using an elastic band to make it feel tighter.
she goes out on the job and used the elastic band trick, and lo and behold, it works! as word of mouth began to spread she began getting more and more punters untill one day she was fucking some guy and heard "TWANG!!!!".
So she is like "ahh, shit, I've snapped" and the guy went "nevermind that!!! my bollocks have just gone flying out the window !!!"
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Post by bearhunter on May 14, 2008 10:24:46 GMT
Three lads meet up in the pub on a Sunday after a hoor of a Saturday night.
First guy: Jasus lads, I was langered last night. I went home and I blew chunks on the living room rug.
Second guy says: That's nothing. I went home, barfed in the hall and then stopped on the landing and pissed down the stairs.
Third guy: Ah lads, get yer hands off it, I got in, spewed all over the stairs, got into bed, pissed all over the wife and when she told me to go to the toilet, I got up and had a shite in the wardrobe.
First guy: But you don't understand....
Chunks is my DOG!!!!!
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Post by Harry on May 14, 2008 13:46:35 GMT
Three lads meet up in the pub on a Sunday after a hoor of a Saturday night. First guy: Jasus lads, I was langered last night. I went home and I blew chunks on the living room rug. Second guy says: That's nothing. I went home, barfed in the hall and then stopped on the landing and pissed down the stairs. Third guy: Ah lads, get yer hands off it, I got in, spewed all over the stairs, got into bed, pissed all over the wife and when she told me to go to the toilet, I got up and had a shite in the wardrobe. First guy: But you don't understand.... Chunks is my DOG!!!!! Like it. took a second to look back which made it better ;D ;D ;D |
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Post by Wasp on May 20, 2008 22:54:28 GMT
An Austrian journalist asked Josef Fritzels neighbour about his daughter Alice.
The neighbour replied 'you mean for 24 years I have been living next door to Alice, Alice who the F**k is Alice'
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Post by Wasp on May 21, 2008 22:00:49 GMT
what's the only thing celtic will be carrying this year??
T. Burns coffin
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Post by Jim on May 22, 2008 2:58:44 GMT
what does the rangers fan do after he wins uefa 2008, the league and the cup?
turns off his playstation
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Post by Wasp on May 23, 2008 19:43:53 GMT
what does the rangers fan do after he wins uefa 2008, the league and the cup? turns off his playstation ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D |
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Post by Jim on May 25, 2008 11:41:56 GMT
I forgot to add "and shags with his sister" for the sick joke part  |
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